in case of emergency, break glass.

feeling the pits. mind's a blank. can't seem to do anything right. feels like i got dumb overnight. ok, for those who beg to differ, yes, maybe i got dumber. it's either that or the world just got way too smart for me. sigh.

end of another week finally. some good, mostly bad. don't know if i made any sense in my assignments. definitely didn't make any sense for my presentations. it's amazing how i thought i could conduct a presentation without any note cards, leaving my tiny brain to regurgitate what i was supposed to say verbally. total disaster. made a total fool of myself in front of everyone who bothered to attend the tute. wished i could kill myself there and then. maybe not. wished i could kill them so that my clown act would be kept secret forever.

sad sad sad. i pray for wisdom everynight and yet i wake up feeling more stupid than before. so running out of options. feel like dying. like right now.

the late night news: your guide to self-annihilation.

11pm. you're sleepy. find yourself in a dreamy state..... glad that the day is finally over. you move along to the next tv programme after a teenybopper flick and hey... current affairs. so much to find out about the events shaking up the world we view as unbelieveable.

newscaster starts off the programme by revealing the highlights:

1. more suspects arrested for the Bali heroin drug bust in Australia. apparently they figured that the 9 people who were convicted earlier for drug-trafficking are actually linked to a drug syndicate based down-under.
2. depressed stockbroker who committed suicide after losing a ton of money on the stock exchange receives a grand funeral.

yay..... so much for the news these days.... now you know why people always say that 'no news is good news.' i wonder how it feels to be the newscasters reporting them.... i wouldn't be surprised if some of them actually had to see a shrink to free themselves after taking in all these 'undesirable' knowledge. occupational hazard....too bad. you can't expect to be paid 6-figures annual wages for just sitting pretty in front of the camera and talk.

back to the news. it's just been all about Bali these days.... it's no longer just a hot tourist destination. now we're talking bigger things. drugs. and gone are the days where drug syndicates hire sad and broke asians as their courier pigeons. it seems now even caucasians want to be in the loop too. but trafficking drugs to Bali? for goodness sake, locals there are planting those shit right in their own backyard! and it doesn't help that the penalty for drug-trafficking in Bali is death. wooo... wonder where they got the idea of capital punishment from. kudos to those 9 aussies who tried and failed though, they gambled big and lost big... but hey, chin up... if any of them manages to escape the gallows and set themselves up for 25 years imprisonment instead, there's always a second chance to make up for the first failed attempt.

depression led stockbroker to committing 'kamikaze'. father of 2. estranged from wife. lost heaps of money. link all 3 factors together and really, there's only one obvious solution right? he possibly might have did the right thing. you may say he's being real selfish for leaving his 2 sons without a dad but seriously, who wants a daddy who pops pills all day to suppress his mental unstability, face wrinkled up to a prune and space out 90% of the time? i believe they're much better off now... at least there's one less person to worry about and to be affected by....and all the misery. interestingly, well-wishers at his wake was encouraged to donate money to some organization towards the treatment for depression. laughable.. at least to me. only one thing can cure depression. and i'm sure you can figure that out. alternatively, just ask our dead mr. stockbroker.