i wish....

i could just cry it all out. if only i knew the repercussions of my actions, i wouldn't do the things i did, say the things i said, feel the emotions i felt, broke my spirit as a result. i want to be okay. but i don't think it'll ever happen. i've lost much, made up with little. god i love her so much and all i ever wanted was an echo but it never came. it never came.

full stops.

stop trying. stop seeking. stop planning. stop plotting. stop dreaming. stop hoping. stop living.

how we should be living... on reverse mode.

some say the life cycle is just so vicious. the end product of all life is simply death. and then if you believe in reincarnation, then a new life begins. how about sitting down for a minute and think how wonderful it would be if life begins from death itself. you should just die first. and now that the hard-to-swallow part is over and done with, then you go live in an old age home. you get kicked out of it for being too healthy and then right after, collect your CPF or whatever superannuation crap that has been set aside specially for you. when you start work, you've already have got your home and car paid in full. you work 30 years until you are young enough to enjoy your 'retirement'. you drink, smoke, party, bully those helpless kids and then get ready for university. you go back to secondary school and then primary school.... become a kid again and get bullied yourself. pretty soon, you will be a toddler and all you do is play. no responsibilities, no cares in the world. finally you become a baby and find yourself spending your last 9 months floating around facilities the likes of a jacuzzi/spa and having served room service 24/7. and here's the best part..... you sign off with an orgasm!!!

wooooo... what a happy thought.... God, are you reading this?

doggone tired... because dumb exam disturbed sleep.

marketing research paper this morning. what a bloody waste of time. you spend an hour of your life thrashing your brains out answering 30 'fill in the blank' questions and the second you leave the room, everything flies out of the window. my econs tutor once said that the only logical reason why students take exams is because the lecturers have got nothing more to impart to us so they use this opportunity to waste a little bit of time to make up for the rest of the semester. sigh... so much for education.

skipped marketing communications lecture today. promised myself that i would attend every single lesson till the rest of the semester but no, i'm just a big fat liar. so too bad. used the time to get a haircut, buy 2 books, more groceries and rent some dvds. how fun.... the many things you can do in that time you waste 'spacing out' at some dude yabble dabbling away. all the opportunity costs.

i hope i don't fuck up this semester. cannot afford to. and i mean it literally. school fees increase every year and you wonder why. i reckon it's because the older the school gets, the more maintanence has to be done on the buildings... and thus all these expenditure gets channelled to us. fair? duh. the school can disintegrate for all i care. i wish it burns down so all of us can just stay home and sulk.

i love black marker pens. it gives me the chance to write a little 'word of wisdom' on the side of my left hand everyday. poser right? screw you. i would do a tattoo if you dared me to. i can't wait to get a tattoo... just got to create the right design. and of course it has to be somewhere i won't have to see it every single day of my sad life... whatever's left of it anyway.

sun's setting now. oh so good. it's time for some shuteye. and may the nightmares come in thick and fast.

the virginal post.

whattowrite. whattosay. whattofeel. whattothink. perhaps..... later.