outrospective.

so many things i wanted to say. yet the words never come out right. it just seem that everything has become a blur. buried in the sand, i dug but it's never deep enough. i wished that things worked out better than what reality and circumstances would allow. my paranoia is unrelenting. it doesn't stop. why am i so emotional? why do i always want the things i could never have? where are the plan Bs? it sickens me. and the irony of it all is i may never be more happy than where i am in this very moment.

i asked. but you wouldn't say. i see it in your eyes. but you wouldn't admit it. i wish you would open up to me. like how you could with him. i envy him. i really do. he knows your heart, thoughts, insecurities and aspirations. i could only make them up with my myopic vision.

will i ever only have the ghost of you? i wish i could be more to you. because i truly love you.